R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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