I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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