If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
