I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
