Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
