Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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