distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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