I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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