I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You're so nebulous sometimes
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
