it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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