don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
