she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize