i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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