Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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