I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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