This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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