youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
