I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
