This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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