Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
