Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
