I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I intend to get homeless drunk
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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