He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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