He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he laminated a picture of his dick.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
