my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
