I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
