just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
