What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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