She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
