Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
