i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize