i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
