I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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