So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize