Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
