Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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