Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
