He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
