You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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