I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
