doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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