So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
