we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
