Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
