After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize