just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
