if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
