Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
