Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
don't judge my taste in strippers
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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