why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
