and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
