the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
