Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
