Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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