im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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