So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
