we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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