Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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