if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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