My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He felt like a one man threesome
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
